Scenario Grief!

This is a post that will emphasize how strange I am. 

I  know lots of people play out worse case scenarios in their minds.  I think I do it because I like to have a plan.  I want to already know what I would do if that scenario happened. 

One of my worst ones - for me - is my parents canal.  The canal can get very full and runs under the road.  Every summer I spend several weeks before making the trip home agonizing at night while everyone sleeps soundly what I would do.  Do I jump in and try to save my child - OF COURSE!!  But, wait what about getting myself stuck in the culvert under the road - then I leave two children without a mother - That is not okay.  So while my family safely sleeps, I quietly sob into the night - trying to find the win-win solution to this problem.  I still don't have the answer, and the thought of losing a child is heartbreaking. 

Another one - getting the phone call or having uniformed people show up at my door to share the bad news. 

For each of these scenarios - I let the grief wash over me (maybe I like a good cry - I hear it is therapeutic).  I know for anyone who has experienced any of these things that what I experience in my mind is just the smallest fraction of what reality would be like.  I do not mean to diminish anyones pain and heartache.

Last night I read a blog of family who lost their almost two year old girl (only child) to a tragic accident.  I sobbed, I empathized.  I grabbed my two year old girl and held her tight while we slept.  As I layed in bed snuggling her as close as I could, I thought about how and if I could deal with that kind of tragedy.  I had read many of her blog entries as she shared the different aspects of her grief. 

I realized with a start that a huge part of my grief would be guilt.  Not because I didn't do what I should have to stop the accident, but because of my mothering.  This is not a post where I am hoping friends will leave comments telling me I am a good mom.  I know what you see and I know what you don't.  More often than not at the end of the day, I am disappointed with my performance.  If only I could have company all the time, I stay patient and kind when those watchful and judging eyes are present. 

I will do better...  No ... I must do better, even if tragedy of that variety never strikes our family, I must do better.  I must recommit myself to being a mother and the kind of mother and Heavenly Father would want raising these special, kind, loving, innocent, sweet, (and all other wonderful words) children that I have been blessed with.  I have many great examples in my life - My Mom, My Grandam, My Grammy, My Mother-In-Law, and friends.

I love them with everything that I have and all that I am.

BIG FAT Just Kidding!!

As I said in my previous post - that we had an offer, but there was still tons of steps before we could relax and consider our home sold.

Well.... We hit our first obstacle and it turned out to be our last.  They decided that a super cool historical home (turning 97 this year) was not for them.

Darn it!!  But that does mean we will be sticking around here for longer than we were thinking!

Currently Dreading This...

In case you have not heard - we have an offer on our house!!! little cartwheel 

They want to close Feb 17 - YIKES - but still so far from being over.

As moving day approaches (and faster than I was anticipating), I am currently dreading havig to tell Jason that he has to move my rock collection into a truck, into storage, into a truck, and into more storage. 

I know, I know - ROCKS!!  [7 - 5 Gallon buckets of them]  If I was Jason I would have made me throw them away by now.  I am very glad that he has not for lots of reasons.  The two biggest:

1.  I was able to be a guest Geologist at Jayce's school for a few hours and I had lots of examples.

2.  It reminds me of me and that I do have other passions besides diapers, potty time, time outs, and nap time.

More Love!

This past Sunday we were admonished once again to express our love for those we love the most.  Read this talk by David A. Bednar.  It is great. 

I don't think you can ever tell your little ones you love them often enough.  My 7 year old tells me several times every day that I don't, so I need to keep at it - until it sticks in there that I really do!!

For Family Home Evening tonight I decided to try an idea I had seen on Super Nanny a few years ago.  She made laminated hearts for the family and then every night at dinner each child was to get a heart that had a message written on it from Mom or Dad.

My only hesitation about the idea is dinner time is hectic and that is one more thing to do - but the 6-10 seconds it will take for me to write something down is truly minimal.  I think that excuse, not having time is terrible - there is always time to say I love you or to give a hug.

I grabbed a heart from my clip art files and stretched it to fill up a sheet of paper.  Then I printed it out on pretty cardstock (I cut our another heart of other paper for the back, so it would be cute).  I stamped WE LOVE YOU... one one side and their name on the other.  I added a few decorations.  Laminated it and will use a dry erase marker. 

Now I can write a quick note expressing my love to each kiddo one more time each day.

Charlotte's Purse

For Christmas I made Charlotte a purse to carry her makeup and her phone in (and any other essentials - like dinosaurs!!).  It turned out cute, it would have been better if Shalet Godfrey would have make it!!  I just used what I had around. 

I found the pattern at Made By Rae.  I used the Buttercup Bag pattern (its free - if you use it for you).  I then reduced it about 60%, this was the size I wanted - so then I had to add seam allowances back.

Sledding

Everyone was home and it was a warmer winter day - so what do you do?  Grab the skiis - I wish.  Maybe when they get older.  No - we grabbed the sled and headed over by the VA hospital.  The hill was nice and packed smooth, makes for hard landings. 

Charlotte went on the first run alone (on a smaller hill - no pic).  She is so funny, she loves it.  She would cover her eyes every time she would go.

Jayce is crazy on the hill and would sled for hours.

Grahm is a little nervous, it takes some coaxing before he will go down.  Holding tight to Jason's leg!!

Jason is crazy on the hill.

Me - well they made me go - and I forgot how much fun that can be.

We took a break to build a snowman.

A Girl and Her Doll

She loves her Sweetie Pie!

Crying to no Avail

I spent last week crying.  I suddently noticed that her curls are growing out! 
How could this be?  I cried.  Her curls are just so curly, they are not wavy.  I am talking ringlets here! Check out this post from June of 2009 - CURLY!!

I pleaded with the powers that be.   Knowing deep inside that trivial matters like curly hair are just that trivial.  However, I wanted her to keep her curls.  I know that many a toddler has lost their curls, but I wanted to know why.

I love the internet!

Well - nobody knows why some toddlers loose their curls.  Not helpful.  I did notice in my searches that lots of women complain of the same thing - curly to straight or vice versa.  For women this happens with hormonal changes.

Light bulb!

As near as I can tell her hair lost its curl about a year ago.  I stopped breastfeeding!  Her first hormonal change. 

I guess I can only hope that her hair follicle will change again soon or someday and the curls will be back.  Until then...I will enjoy what curl she has left, until it gets too goofy looking and I have to chop them off. 

I still get teary and tell her she better start growing curls!  She smiles and tells me okay.

Things That Should Be Cleaned More Than Once Every Few Years!!

I have been putting off cleaning my pizza stone because:
A- A few years ago my oven didn't have a self cleaning cycle.
B-If you leave your racks in duirng the cleaning cycle they change two a blueish color.

So today, I decided to clean my pizza stone because it is black (I am including my oven racks because I can't sit the stone on the bottom of my oven).  My oven was still clean from the last cleaning cycle.  So I popped it in, thinking of how warm and toasty my house was going to be...

Cough! .... Cough!.... Choke!....

Toxic fumes filled my house.  My eyes burned and watered, my nose started running.  It felt like what Jason described about the boot camp gas chambers.  Yuck!!  I opened every window in the house, hid the smoke alarms (remind me to find them again).  The house temperature dropped to 64 before it felt like there was clean air to breathe. 

I guess next time I wont wait as long to clean the stone.  By the way - it is no longer black!

Hot Chocolate!

As soon as school is out until after dark (only about an hour to an hour and an half) they play in the snow.  Especially when we have lots of fresh snow!  Then they come in glowing pink from the cold air, with their hair poking in every direction from their hats, dripping wet mittens, and want a big cup of hot cocoa!

I love Winter!!  Today after the snow has stopped - I want to go skiing or sledding or snowshoeing.  Something to enjoy this beauty!!

Coolest Play Make-Up Ever - Tutorial

Every little girl loves to pretend to put on make-up.  I remember my little sisters having the coolest little purse and make-up set.  It was Playskool, and the coolest part was the lipstick actually rolled up and down.  I was middle school aged and I thought it was cool. 

I spent the months leading up to Christmas trying to hunt down a similar make-up set.  However, nobody had one.  Either it was Dora, or fabric, or gianormous.  So I decided to make one.

I should have taken pictures of the process, but it was less than a week until Christmas and I was not thinking blog.

Lipstick!

1.  I took an old lipstick of mine and pulled out the remaining lipstick. 

2.  I cleaned it really good. 

3.  Then Jason cut a piece of a dowel .  One end slanted and one end flat. 

4.  He sanded one end so it would narrow a little at the bottom so we could insert it into the tube.  The tube I used had plastic ridges inside to help it hold on to the lipstick.  If we would have used a narrower dowel, it would have looked silly. 

5.  Jason sanded and shaped the slanted end to look like lipstick.  He just used sandpaper.

6.  I painted it a nice hot pink color.  I used acrylic craft paints.

7.  Used a high-gloss clear coat spray to make it shiny.

8.  Used Gorilla Glue to glue the dowel into the tube.  My lipstick tube was metal with a plastic tube inside.  This plastic tube had already popped loose of the glue, so I just glued my dowel into it and then glued it back into the metal tube.  If yours does not come apart easy, just make sure you don't use too much glue and glue it so it wont roll up and down!

Powder and/or Eyeshadow!

I can't take credit for this idea.  My sister was doing the same thing for her daughter and this is what she did.

1.  Use empty make-up containters and clean it.

2.  Find nail polish in the appropriate colors (great way to use up old polish).  For the powder I mixed white and a color.

3.  Pour into empty container and let dry.

Charlotte carries it around in her purse and regularly puts on her lipstick (on her, her doll, on daddy and on mommy)!

Number 7

Yup - another one.  That is number 7!
It was so loose we told him to pull it before we brushed teeth.  Of course he said no.  Then after he had been in bed for awhile it was bothering him, so he got up.  He couldn't pull it out and was unsure he wanted me to.  I promised I would stop if he told me to (it was soooo looose), one little pull and I handed him the tissue and tooth.
[The best part - the Tooth Fairy actually remembered to come last night!!!]

New Years Eve

With a few runny noses - New Years turned into a family event!

We made pizza, had a tea party, drank sparkling AppleGrape juice, enjoyed Oreos and nabisco Chips Ahoy, and played the WII!!

In fact after the kids are in bed the WII games get pretty intense. We paused briefly at midnight to exchange a quick kiss and then back to try and kick some Bowser Butt!


I tried to get Jason and the boys to do the Polar Plunge - but somehow they ended up not going.  Even I have done it - Jason says he will do it next year, I am not sure jumping into the Sea of Japan on New Years comes close to counting.