Friday, February 27, 2009

My Neurosis

Okay, I have lots of hang-ups or whatever you want to call them. One that I was recently exploring is my need for attention. I personally do not like to have the focus on me. I don't tell people I am pregnant because I hate the attention. I don't change my hair very often for fear of everyone feeling the need to comment on my choice. That is why my hair is very long at the moment due to four years of fear.
One time during college I was away for 6 weeks at Geology Field Camp and my Birthday was during that time. We celebrated someones birthday while we there, this meant yummy cake - but I begged them to ignore mine. Thank goodness that they did.
Perhaps I don't like the attention because then someone will realize what a boring complete idiot I am. I do like to have attention for things that I have done. I had to get the best grade in the class (not always possible). I like to be the best at something and sometimes I would not try new things for fear of not being immediately great at it. So, I missed out on lots of things for fear of looking retarded.
Now that I am a mother and of course there is nothing more humbling than being a mother. I fill my need for attention by getting that attention for my kids. I love to sew Charlotte great clothes (I really love it when my Mom does) because she is then twice the show stopper (she has big blue eyes and curls). I loved getting stopped when Jayce was a baby, everyone loved the big blue eyes and the red hair and they still do. Everyone loved Grahm's big blue eyes and his snow white hair (my little Palomino) and now his fauxhawk.
I can only figure that my need for attention (and I love to make my kiddos happy) would cause me to do this to Grahm's hair right before we go to the mall. Attention Here We Come.

He got lots of looks, comments and giggles!!

No comments: