Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sometimes Life Stinks!!

  1. Sometimes Life Stinks!!! This is not me complaining, I just wanted to share an experience.
Jason is busy studying and finishing up some projects for school (He has two big tests Nov 11, 12, and 13 - all day), so he is busy. I decided I needed to get some errands done without him, usually we all go together.

  1. Monday as soon as I picked up Jayce from school we headed to JoAnns to pick out fabric for jammies and get some trim for Charlottes coat. We then stopped at ToysRUs to get some fish for Grahm's Halloween costume - it is now past dinner time the kids are tired and I am sure you can imagine that they were not angels in the fabric store. I was supposed to go grocery shopping too - it didn't happen.
Tuesday after I picked up Jayce from school we headed to Barthel Fruit Farm to pick apples for applesauce (Yummy!!!). Then we went to the grocery store this took until 7:00 - with driving time. To put it mildly I was very done (I think there is a good reason that I am blessed to not have hormonal fluctuations until my babies are nearing a year old). So there I am in the grocery store parking lot, the groceries are loaded, and the kids all safely buckled (thinking mom is so mean). As I am walking my cart to the cart return I have a TV flash (you know the TV series Without a Trace? In the shows they always show a person going from point A to point B and they disappear before they get to point B). So I walk my cart to the return and then I disappear. I realize that I could disappear right now and nobody would know. I could leave all the responsibility and frustrations of being a mother behind and go and be me. As soon as the thought was there I was all ready saying no way. I would miss all the good stuff, the smiles and laughs, the cute way they do things. How can you love the good times if you never experience the hard times. I could never leave them. What an empowering realization that I am not here at this moment just out of obligation (because I do believe that you are obligated to those cute little people), but because this is exactly where I want to be. I love being a Mom, even in those moments when you want to quit (well only for 5 minutes and only if Dad is there, and, and...even when we take a break we don't!).

I turned around and could barely make out 3 sets of big eyes watching and anxiously waiting for my return. No, I could never leave them. Then I climbed into the car and cried because I needed a break and Jason was not available (I couldn't call him and hear "I Love You" - he doesn't have service in the Sim Lab, I couldn't go and get a hug - the doors are locked at 5pm). After a few moments I drove away, we picked up some Wendy's (it was 7:30 - poor kiddos) and we smiled, laughed and hugged and then they went to bed.

I love them so much, they make each day a little bit of heaven!!!

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